| That I really do want to get this job in California. I mean, I'd be 1-2 hours from mountains, and 2-3 hours from the ocean! And it's warm yet not humid and it actually cools down at night! And it's not the Bible Belt and/or strongly Baptist! Not that, you know, there's anything wrong with Baptists. I just like variety. And the valley is one of the most fertile places in the country (if not the most fertile place) and I just think that's cool -- orange trees and all growing everywhere. And I feel hopeful and expectant of what could be, what God could do -- that I could take the leap and learn to fly, and that I could grow and be "fertile" just like that valley. Instead of saying, "I think I want to go, if that's okay with You, God, and if it's not a really bad decision, and I can totally stay here. I don't have to go," I'm saying, "I want to go! Please can I?"
And maybe I could even meet a man. 
But now I'm just in suspense. I think I'll call today after work, to check on the status, if I don't hear from them today. I'm going to be bummed if it doesn't work out.
*drums fingers*
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| How is that that I really want to move out of this city, yet at the same time I'm also petrified to do so?
It's like I'm afraid to move. Not move as in move from one city to the next (although that is certainly included), but move as in...change. Like I'm frozen stiff and afraid to just move. That's really weird.
Maybe I just need to resign myself to the fact that I'm just another person who's been sucked into this city and can't get out. Argh.
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| Why have I, as Nathan so wonderfully put it, allowed people to weasel their way into my heart? And is it just pure foolishness to get to know people online who live nowhere near you? Who does that? I didn't intend for it. And now... they're stuck there, and I have to live with it. I feel like the biggest fool around.
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| I DID HEAR THE LORD!
It's kind of weird when things are HARD but also somehow very GOOD.
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| Well, they're definitely a ride. And I've been on one.
I really need to write down the things I've been learning from this ride.
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